We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize