Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you had me at cake vodka
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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