no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
