you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
