we have pet lesbian snakes
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think your dad took our porno
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
