I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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