He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
