I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
