he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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