Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
wanna go halves on a baby?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
