1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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