apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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