so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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