oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
