I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
a search helicopter?!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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