Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
