It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
