There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it's like heaven, but drunker
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
