she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
