I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize