help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
