Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
