and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
