i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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