I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
