you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
