If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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