Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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