the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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