I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
