you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
