Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize