I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
