How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize