i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
