If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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