Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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