someone get that fucking seahorse.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
