You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
