I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
