This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
