is your mom at the bar?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
