I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
