Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
that is very illegal...i love you.
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