remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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