The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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