I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
