After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
