They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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