Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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