Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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