I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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