its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize