I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
