New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Come share oat with me in your robe
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
