that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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