Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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