Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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