you traded sex for a burrito?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
