I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
