if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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