She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
