i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
