I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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