And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
