the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
