Yo dont text me then not text me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize