dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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