Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
