Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
