Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
