Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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