I will die if light touches me.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
