So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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