My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
